Showing All Of Me

Showing All Of Me:

I am 32 years old and this month I am only now starting to live life as me. That may sound confusing to some, to others you understand where this is going.

To say 2017 has been a rough go so far is an understatement; I have lost people, dealing with severe mental illness, working at going back to university and coming to terms with myself.

There has always been a small part of me that has always been terrified to show all of me. To do that would mean admitting out loud something that I have always known but have been afraid to come to terms with and share. The fear of losing family and friends. The fear of how people would look at me. The fear that I wasn’t strong enough to handle any of it. But that fear was making me miserable, so I after doing some soul searching, reading, and talking to a few friends, I came to a decision. I was going to take 2017 back and make it the year I show all of me. Make it the year that I stop hiding, and admit with no shame or fear that I am gay.

It took me about a week to figure out what to say and how to approach my mom. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights thinking of the “what ifs” and how she would react. We sat down and I told her “Remember a long while ago when you asked why I have never brought home or introduced you to any guys I was dating? Well that is because when I bring someone home to introduce to you it wont be a guy, it will be a girl. I am a lesbian, Im gay mom”.

It took her a minute to realize what I said, she said “Oh”. Then did the most amazing thing, she smiled at me, took my hand into hers and said “its ok”. I remember asking if she was ok with it all, “As long as you’re happy, Im happy”. So within half an hour, years of fear and hiding this part of me was over. It honestly felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. But also that I said those words out loud to not only my mom but myself.

My friends where very supportive, and most knew but were waiting for me to tell them. Not all my family know, and I know not all of them will be supportive or ok with it. But for me, thats alright. I am done hiding, its time to live my life out in the open.

Until Next Time

Sarah Wylde

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