I’m going to be honest with you. This is going to be raw, and most likely peppered with horrific grammatical errors and incomplete thoughts. You see, I simply don’t know how to articulate the complexity of emotions raging through me.
Yesterday, November 8, 2018, I woke up to a series of push notifications on my cell phone from various news outlets. The reports streaming in regarding a mass shooting at a bar in Thousand Oaks, CA. As I read, it’s the 307th mass shooting this year in the United States.
… I’m staring at my computer now in a long pause. 307th. Mass shooting. This year. The words are unfathomable …
There is a rush of blame that floods my thoughts poor mental health recognition and care, entitlement, selfishness, disconnection due to a globalized and digitalized society, video games f’n violent video games, access to firearms, and I come back to… mental health.
I was in a high-end grocery store a few weeks ago. There was a gentleman conducting a beverage demo, ya’ know, passing out free samples. I overheard him start talking to a woman who worked in the store. He was talking about how hard it was to chase out the unhappiness. He said, “well, at least it’s not like I’m shooting up the place”. It frightened me. To my core.
When did that become a thing to think or say out loud? Is it like the bomb threat psychology? When I was a journalist, we had a strict policy not to report bomb threats because it was proven to provoke copy-cat bomb threats. Are people being given this idea now that they’re seeing such horrific actions all over the news? Is that their release from the darkness? Hurting and killing others? Shattering lives?
Every time I drop my son off at preschool, I’m scared. Every time I go to the movies, I’m scared. Every time I go ANYWHERE, I’m scared. I’m not joking… there is a layer of fear and social awareness that I’ve never experienced before.
I wish I could just wipe the whole slate clean. Like when you start down a project and quickly see it ain’t turning out in any shape or form how you intended. You wanna scrap the whole thing, hit the reset button, and start over.
I don’t know how to do that. My husband and I try doing our part by doing things such as starting Go Get It LIFE. The intention has always been to encourage everyone to live their best life. We have decided to really zone in on addressing mental health. We want to open the conversation. We want to discuss ways to combat those dark thoughts and feelings.
Oh gosh, I have so much to say about this subject. It just pours out of me. As someone who’s been through rounds of serious clinical depression, I get those dark feelings. But what I don’t understand, is the hurting of others. And in such horrific ways. I don’t get it.
I am working so hard on coping mechanisms to combat my social anxieties and fear. True fear… it is mounting every day.
I share all of this raw emotion with you in hopes of sparking a conversation as to how we can combat the fear, the social anxiety, the disconnection, the detachment from valuing another human’s life.
It saddens me that we don’t wake up anymore and spend our days OUTRAGED at these mass shootings happening in our community. It saddens me that we are becoming de-sensitized to this.
I pray for a change. I hold out hope. And most of all, I am more committed than ever to ensuring that Go Get It LIFE is a safe and positive place for us to all share, lean on one another, and prosper in our journey to living our best lives.
In honor of the victims of the Thousand Oaks, CA shooting, please read their names and see their pictures here.